Sometimes grief causes me to be pretty caught up in all that I don't get to keep of my firstborn child. All that I never get to experience with him. He feels so very far away. I grieve over how few pictures I have of him. Yet there are those who don't have even one picture to display on the wall. There are so many many mothers who get nothing. And on the worst, most grief-ridden, all-consuming day I wouldn't take him back. I wouldn't give back a single second of my time with him. If not for this little boy, I don't know where I'd be. His memory centers me in my darkest moments, helps me carry on. This little guy made me the person I am today, the person I continue to become. I don't think Jerry would mind a bit if I said this little boy is the love of my life. I miss him every day, every second, but I am so grateful for everything he gave me. It is my dearest wish that this separation is not forever. Happy Birthday Matthew.
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